Beers, Bratwursts, Boobs and Bruises: 10 Things You Must Do at Oktoberfest

Oktoberfest Beers

Josh having a beer…or 4 at Oktoberfest

Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany is hands down the best event that we have ever been to. It’s like an adult Disneyland full of beer. Everyone is dressed in traditional Bavarian outfits and forgetting about the real world while they dance and drink the nights away.

First of all, America is doing Oktoberfest all wrong. The real thing is a combination of a carnival and beer festival, it’s free to get in, the beers only cost about $11, and it’s acceptable to be participating in the fun no matter what age you are. It’s certainly frowned upon in America to be 55 and dancing on a table. Why. At home, it’s all about profiting off the event and there’s no way you’re allowed to even think about standing on a table. Lame!

We were fortunate enough to spend three nights at Oktoberfest and here’s 10 things you absolutely have to do if you find yourself at this amazing event:


1 – Drink a Huge Beer, or Five
Oktoberfest would not be complete without consuming copious amounts of beers the size of your head. The rules say you have to be seated at a table to order a beer, but the rules vary depending on your server. Best bet is to find a Dirndl laden maiden and place your order. You’ll see her coming back usually with 5-10 beers in her hands, which is quite a site to see. Make sure to tip, those things are heavy and they remember who tips, and who doesn’t. So pay up if you want another one.


2 – Dance and Sing on the Table Tops
This appears to be the most popular pastime during the last two hours of drinking time within the festival. Warning: do NOT step on the end of an empty bench. The bench will see-saw into your face and you will be escorted straight out of Wiesen in an ambulance. Warning 2: The tables are slippery…don’t fall off them like one of the unfortunate Massholes…Names need not be mentioned.


3 – Get a Cookie Necklace

Oktoberfest Cookie

Josh having a bite of someone’s cookie.

Spending anywhere from $5-25 on a cookie is no fun; however, attempting to get one of these bad boys from one of the many drunk people at the end of the night is. We succeeded in getting a giant one. It may or may not have had a few bites taken out of it, but hey, a cookie is a cookie.


4 – Buy a Dirndl or Lederhosen
One of the best parts of Oktoberfest is dressing up in the traditional Bavarian outfits. Ladies, you’ll know if your Dirndl fits if you can’t breathe and your breasts are touching your chin. Fellas, some knee action is totally acceptable.


5 – Get a Free Shot at the Post Office
Out of all places to get booze, we got free shots at the “post office” located inside the festival grounds. Couldn’t tell you what it was, but it was some sort of liqueur that’s like Jager, “but better.”


6 – Eat all the Awesome Food

Oktoberfest Cookies
From giant bratwurst, to cracklin’ covered pork knuckles, roasted nuts, to baked potatoes, fresh fire-roasted fish, and pretzels bigger than your head. Eat it all and be prepared to buy a bigger dirndl by day three.


7 – Make Friends

Weird People at Oktoberfest

Make friends with weird people.

There’s nothing easier than making friends at Oktoberfest during one of the popular Prost songs. Sooner or later, you’ll be cheers-ing your neighbors and dancing arm in arm with them in no time. Befriend some old German guys who have been around the Oktoberfest block once or twice, or maybe some people from your home city, or maybe even a guy with beads in his beard.


8 – Don’t Fear the Pork Knuckle
Huge, bone-in chunks of meat roasting in a massive rotisserie: sounds intimidating, but please don’t be scared by these delicious pieces of pork perfection. They’re a little frightening looking, but I can promise you that this is the best thing you will ever eat, especially after a few beers.


9 – Bring a Bodyguard
…if you’re a girl. Stage-five creepers are unfortunately all over this festival and right around 8 pm is when they all get pretty drunk. Drunken weirdos and a bunch of girls in low cut tops don’t always go well together. Luckily for us, Josh is scary.


10 – Act like a Kid at the Carnival

File Sep 30, 10 49 06 AM
Haunted houses, ferris wheels, rotating bars, rigged carnival games you can’t win and the only thing that is acceptable to drive drunk: the bumper cars. Just be careful, there’s a lot of spinning rides. After a few hours in the tents you don’t want to hop on the rotating swings and lose that delicious bratwurst you had for lunch all over the patrons below you.

No matter what you decide to do at Oktoberfest, you’ll probably end up drunk and broke, but you’ll still have the time of your life. Just do us a favor and get to Oktoberfest at least once in your lifetime. You won’t regret it.

  1 comment for “Beers, Bratwursts, Boobs and Bruises: 10 Things You Must Do at Oktoberfest

  1. Chaela Bohac
    October 1, 2015 at 5:00 am

    Loving the blogs, pics, and posts! Glad you’re having a good time xoxoxo

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